Half of me wants to stay where I am right now, in this stressful situation because it’s all that I know and that’s what I’ve chosen. There’s this comforting zone in these daily routines and sameness. The other half wants me to go somewhere far. Somewhere new. A place where no one knows me and I can live as I please.

Residency is a self-inflicted disorder.
It's a busy, throbbing, spinning, buzzing, alien environment. Everyday.

Trying to catch my breath right now. Before, surely, continue... to walk. 

Indira

What's so exciting about doing a residency is probably that you are given opportunity to travel, for free! Seminar ticket, flight, accommodation... are all in the bag. And when Bali is a destination, you know you'd do anything not to miss it. I'm now in 2nd week rotation in Infection & Immunology Division, moreover, my last case presentation was about a misdiagnosed of ocular HIV. So anything about AIDS, will always tickle me. Intended for an ophthalmology meeting titled,"Aids & the Eye", me and a dearly friend of mine, Seruni, had made a quick weekend getaway. We decided to arrive a day earlier, so that we could spare our Saturday for a vacation. Almost forgot the last time I've been here. But looks like the island had never lost its beauty and will always leave special place in my heart every time I visited this place. Hadn't much to say at the very moment, I'll let my photos speak themselves. Hope you enjoy...

• #102, the room in the motel we stayed in•

•Selamat pagi, Kuta!•

•Too bad that I didn't had a chance for a swim. Really miss the water•

•Breakfast time•

•Sugar rush, pumped the body up to start the day•

•Mbak Runi posing on the edge•

•The 23-meter statue of Vishnu in our first stop that day at Bukit Peninsula•

•Next destination... Pura Luhur Uluwatu•

•I coudn't stop swearing when this guy (well, not him himself, but maybe his fella, brother, whatsoever) stole my jagung bakar. Guess what, for 2 times. I think I disheart monkey ever since•

•A Japanese lady in front of me, capturing with her pocket cam•

•Witnessing God's painting, a very pretty sunset•

•The spiritual Ramayana Kecak Dance•

•I still can feel the magical "cak" chant echoed over my ears•

•Lord Rama and his wife, Shinta•

•Hanuman being burned in Lanka•

•The monkey putting down the fire with bare feet, proving his holy spirit.

 This exorcism dance had somehow gave us the goose bumps•

•To end this tiring-yet-exiciting day, we knew we deserved good dinner. 

No doubt, we left it to everyone's fav Jimbaran food•

•Nothing but a great night view by the beach•

•The Sunday seminar, a day after. In Kartika Plaza Hotel•

Great holiday and lectures, and surely 2 days weren't enough.
But I was happy anyhow.
Big thanks to Cendo ;)

Indira

Turning 26 she is.

Just before today ends, I would like again, to say, happy birthday to the very dear  

Gitta Reno Cempako. 

Wayo-men Japanese resto in Setia Budi was her pick to celebrate her day. 

There goes the birthday girl.

Waiting for the food..

This place's best menu was the Japanese Sea food curry pasta. Which for us, sadly, turned out not to be too special.

Anywaysss, despite the taste, we were just.... HUNGRY! ;p

Candles blown, wishes made.

Older her, better her, happier her ;)

Just a simple gift from me.. Hope she'll like it.

Tiramisu and oreo ice cream closed tonight's birthday dine.

Wishing you nothing but happiness and dreams come true, my best friend.
Thanks for the treat! ;)

Warmest, deepest love,

Indira

Ones of Heaven-sents

Like an old black and white photograph, the fader it gets, the more grateful I'd be to cherish every moment I've spent with them for these nine... ten...years time now? Those moments when I always feel blessed, and deeply loved, through my dumbest, ugliest shape.

(DoAn- H.O.S Cokroaminoto, August 2, 2012)

Like a fire extinguisher, they tame my worries, my cries. Turn my every sadness to comfort. 

Never let me get carried away by my thoughts of negativity. They're probably, ones of my last resort to keep me sane.

Some may say, "People change." 

Gladly, to me, they never did.

Indira

Pearls

This line had somehow given me the thrill, 
"Some may say medicine has taken over my life, but I believe it has given me much more than it has taken away"- Sheila M, Pediatrics Resident Physician, UH Rainbow Babies and Children's Hospital, Cleveland, Ohio.

Neither a job nor a career, medicine is a way of life. It's something destined within us.

Indira

Something to let out

Everyday,
We don't go a day without interacting with people.
Around the the neighborhood. Working place. Streets. Next door. Everywhere.
Wherever we go, there will always be people we like, we dislike.
If they judge us, let them.

Don't be one of those fake people who think that they're always right.
And no doubt we'll deal with more people who say things that push us to our limits, but trust this; we don't want to be like that. 

Everyday,
We don't go a day without making mistakes. So does everyone else. Acknowledge that. 

Everyday,
There're times we're being childish, the key is to admit it and stop trying to prove that we are right.

Being mature only shows in how little sh*t we give and how much quality we have in our actions when dealing with people and issues.

Let just be one of those who bury themselves in doing the things we love, who knows by heart that we have so much to give to others.
Keep creating, because once we do good, people would race their ways to reach our excellence.
Keep our hands clean and our minds busy making things that people will remember, in goods ways.
Surely, whatever good things we earn from doing what we do good, don't let our feet fly too high.
Don't let the rats chew our shoes down there on the ground.

Everyday,
Wherever we go, problems are our daily meal. They are, ironically, unavoidable fact of life.
Let those dramas be. We date them everyday.

Hatred is a personal dwelling. It stays within everyone, including us.
Our every move will burn those people whose their eyes are never far from us.
Our glow will bother them, our rights are always the faulty to them.
They'll nourish our wrongs, and they'll always dig to find our blemish.

When we do good, they'll give us the stamp in our head, "ridiculous perfectionist"

And on the other time we do wrong, they'll remember it, like for ever.

They'd do anything to stub us.
But try to let them be, try to be far from what they are and what they do.

Laugh at mockeries. Mocking, unless meant as a joke, is only for the unable. So, just laugh at them.

We all, are, after all, what we think. Our emotions are the slaves to our thoughts and we are the slaves to our emotions'.
We're human, and it's completely acceptable to get emotional at some point. But put in mind, avoid getting dragged down to the lower, pitiful, ones.
Therefore, don't get carried away too far. There's nothing that can help us go through it than just stay in our true selves.
"We don't need people to like us. We don't need to like people." -C.A 
Just live, be true, and watch our backs.

......................

At the very moment,

I'm kind of tired of trying to explain myself to everyone,
Because remember, those people who like us won't need that.
and those people who don't, won't believe that.
Remember, once we believe the key to success is to please everybody, we'd definitely fail.

......................
Okay, too much to say already.
Night, y'all.

Indira

There's always times like these.

And now, how I wish that I could be less care.

And I hope there're any, slightest, tiniest, goodness still left in you. To help you.

It was not really late at night when one of my junior-high mates texted me on BBM, saying hello. It's nice to hear about her and her family, as I was really close to them back then. Then we were drawn chatting all over. I've told my stories about life lately, then I asked about hers.

"Hidupku ya gini-gini aja, Ra. Cuma ngurus anak dan belanja. Hahaha. Enakkan jadi kamu!" she said, after a droll silence. I laughed, embarrassed, and told her to shut up. 

Most of the time, I wonder how would it be when we look outside our windows on a sunny day to see business people doing lunch meeting in good venues, while we almost throw up studying for tomorrow's exams, or when we look forward to long weekends so that we can finally catch up with our family. 

What would those non-medicine people think about us? 

Would they look at us like aliens? Would they see us like normal human being? Or just the other way around? Maybe as cool as like those in Grey's?

Do they secretly in their hearts, yell, "Oh, give yourself a break.. You live for once. Enjoy it, God's sake!" 

Waking up at 4 am getting ready for shift rotation is not fun. 

Preparing short presentation in Sunday for (sudden) Monday's discussion, while you still have bunches of paperwork you've been neglected the whole week, is not fun. 

Doing shift on Sat night while your other friends having dinner... is not fun.

Rushed and late meals, almost... eve-ry-day~are not fun. 

Dealing with supervisors about your case presentation is not fun. Even worse when your proposals, repeatedly, rejected. (Personal experience happened to me just now! :p)
Struggling to keep your eyes opened in the clinic after a prolonged and tiresome shift last night is not fun (and apparently, yeah... not cool).
And no, counting of how many friends' wedding and family events you've missed, is not fun... at all. 

I've once asked myself, what would I be if I weren't a doctor. Alike one of my good friends back in Melbourne, doing his school majoring in fine art & fashion photography, and at the same time earning money being a free lance photographer, I've once told him of how envy I am. Seeing him making money from hobbies. But then, his words slapped me, 

"Ra. Jadi dokter masih bisa motret. Tapi jadi fotografer? Nggak bisa nyuntik orang." -H.S 

Not that I don't love the path I have taken. 

Not that I'm not grateful about the life maybe lots out there, been always dreaming of.
Not that I've never imagined how residency life's gonna be.
Not that I regret it.
I chose this. I'll take the consequences. No matter what. But I mean.. D*mn. 

Ophthalmology residency has always been my biggest dream since clinical years. Since the time when lots of friends still having no clue about what specialty they have the interest in, I knew this medical discipline won my heart too soon. And if I'm asked to ever switch my life, to someone else's, I wouldn't. Maybe I'd rather just wouldn't recommend medicine (or taking specialty, in particular) to anyone ;p

Again, I'm made aware that, maybe medical world~ something we've chosen, is longer, harder, and requires more patience than possibly anything else. The road might be tough, rough and cripples us along the way. Got us stumble, time and again. 

We have no choice but to keep on... well, doing it. Be true. Do it by heart. Fear no mistakes, fear no cracks. Laugh at them once in a while. But hang in there and walk. Because something bigger, better... awaits.

Never lose the faith.

Indira

Royal Botanic Garden 2006: Flower Heaven

I was so surprised as I found these pictures while tracing back some old folders of mine about 6 years ago. I almost didn't remember that I've even, ever, captured all of these pictures. I couldn't believe how I could've left them untouched for so long. Recalling... they were taken in Royal Botanic Garden, Melbourne, AU back in 2006 when me and 2 of my soul mates, R and G, were doing our research year there. I still used my old Nikon d70 with kit lens 18-70 mm, and a 50mm f/1.4 friend's lens. All were edited using Instagram application. Yeah, looks like I'm too lazy to use the Photoshop these days. Anyways, please have a look :)

 Bees sipping food. No macro lens was used. Look how I kinda miss the focus :(

My favorite shot. Melbourne's blue sky's always amazing. Always.

I always had a thing with the word "indigo"

Wild daisies grown beautifully on green grass.

See how these 2 funny creatures were autistically doing their thing. 

Seems like I've successfully possessed them to believe that photography is tons of fun, no matter what your gear is, even a pocket camera. 

 Really miss these happy moments with them.

It's so funny how flowers have actually tickled my sense of photographs since back then. 

Melbourne, with every side and unforgettable memories this city had imprinted in me, will always make me want to go back there someday. I really do hope I will. In time.

G'day mate!

Indira

Pearls

"When God tests you, it is never to destroy you. Whenever He removes something from your possession, it is only to empty your hand for an even better gift" -Sidqie

...just got some beautiful words from an old friend of mine through bbm today.

Festivity

May 18th. It was 4-day long weekend. And 4 of us were looking for Indonesian meal. I've luckily switched my schedule for the night shift so I wouldn't get no disturbance during the holidays ;p

Remboelan resto was our pick.

Big and sinful dinner. Worth the price, so.. No regrets. 

May the 19th. Fashion & food festival in Kampoeng Tempoe Doeloe, MKG.

 Culinary heaven. Went here with my friend, G.

Imagine how we were drown between those crowds. Whoa, frustrating. 

Coupons we had to change before the food hunt.

As starter, I got this Es Kering. 

Banana ice cream, pressed with cinammon cookies. Unique. 

 My dinner that night. And yes, it was thunder on the tongue. 

Had it with telur puyuh, too.

G having her choco-peanut Es Goyang.

The local acoustic orchestra. 

Roti bakar pandan.  

Great short holiday in the hometown. Food soul... satisfied. 

Indira