There's always times like these.

And now, how I wish that I could be less care.

And I hope there're any, slightest, tiniest, goodness still left in you. To help you.

It was not really late at night when one of my junior-high mates texted me on BBM, saying hello. It's nice to hear about her and her family, as I was really close to them back then. Then we were drawn chatting all over. I've told my stories about life lately, then I asked about hers.

"Hidupku ya gini-gini aja, Ra. Cuma ngurus anak dan belanja. Hahaha. Enakkan jadi kamu!" she said, after a droll silence. I laughed, embarrassed, and told her to shut up. 

Most of the time, I wonder how would it be when we look outside our windows on a sunny day to see business people doing lunch meeting in good venues, while we almost throw up studying for tomorrow's exams, or when we look forward to long weekends so that we can finally catch up with our family. 

What would those non-medicine people think about us? 

Would they look at us like aliens? Would they see us like normal human being? Or just the other way around? Maybe as cool as like those in Grey's?

Do they secretly in their hearts, yell, "Oh, give yourself a break.. You live for once. Enjoy it, God's sake!" 

Waking up at 4 am getting ready for shift rotation is not fun. 

Preparing short presentation in Sunday for (sudden) Monday's discussion, while you still have bunches of paperwork you've been neglected the whole week, is not fun. 

Doing shift on Sat night while your other friends having dinner... is not fun.

Rushed and late meals, almost... eve-ry-day~are not fun. 

Dealing with supervisors about your case presentation is not fun. Even worse when your proposals, repeatedly, rejected. (Personal experience happened to me just now! :p)
Struggling to keep your eyes opened in the clinic after a prolonged and tiresome shift last night is not fun (and apparently, yeah... not cool).
And no, counting of how many friends' wedding and family events you've missed, is not fun... at all. 

I've once asked myself, what would I be if I weren't a doctor. Alike one of my good friends back in Melbourne, doing his school majoring in fine art & fashion photography, and at the same time earning money being a free lance photographer, I've once told him of how envy I am. Seeing him making money from hobbies. But then, his words slapped me, 

"Ra. Jadi dokter masih bisa motret. Tapi jadi fotografer? Nggak bisa nyuntik orang." -H.S 

Not that I don't love the path I have taken. 

Not that I'm not grateful about the life maybe lots out there, been always dreaming of.
Not that I've never imagined how residency life's gonna be.
Not that I regret it.
I chose this. I'll take the consequences. No matter what. But I mean.. D*mn. 

Ophthalmology residency has always been my biggest dream since clinical years. Since the time when lots of friends still having no clue about what specialty they have the interest in, I knew this medical discipline won my heart too soon. And if I'm asked to ever switch my life, to someone else's, I wouldn't. Maybe I'd rather just wouldn't recommend medicine (or taking specialty, in particular) to anyone ;p

Again, I'm made aware that, maybe medical world~ something we've chosen, is longer, harder, and requires more patience than possibly anything else. The road might be tough, rough and cripples us along the way. Got us stumble, time and again. 

We have no choice but to keep on... well, doing it. Be true. Do it by heart. Fear no mistakes, fear no cracks. Laugh at them once in a while. But hang in there and walk. Because something bigger, better... awaits.

Never lose the faith.

Indira

Royal Botanic Garden 2006: Flower Heaven

I was so surprised as I found these pictures while tracing back some old folders of mine about 6 years ago. I almost didn't remember that I've even, ever, captured all of these pictures. I couldn't believe how I could've left them untouched for so long. Recalling... they were taken in Royal Botanic Garden, Melbourne, AU back in 2006 when me and 2 of my soul mates, R and G, were doing our research year there. I still used my old Nikon d70 with kit lens 18-70 mm, and a 50mm f/1.4 friend's lens. All were edited using Instagram application. Yeah, looks like I'm too lazy to use the Photoshop these days. Anyways, please have a look :)

 Bees sipping food. No macro lens was used. Look how I kinda miss the focus :(

My favorite shot. Melbourne's blue sky's always amazing. Always.

I always had a thing with the word "indigo"

Wild daisies grown beautifully on green grass.

See how these 2 funny creatures were autistically doing their thing. 

Seems like I've successfully possessed them to believe that photography is tons of fun, no matter what your gear is, even a pocket camera. 

 Really miss these happy moments with them.

It's so funny how flowers have actually tickled my sense of photographs since back then. 

Melbourne, with every side and unforgettable memories this city had imprinted in me, will always make me want to go back there someday. I really do hope I will. In time.

G'day mate!

Indira

Pearls

"When God tests you, it is never to destroy you. Whenever He removes something from your possession, it is only to empty your hand for an even better gift" -Sidqie

...just got some beautiful words from an old friend of mine through bbm today.

Festivity

May 18th. It was 4-day long weekend. And 4 of us were looking for Indonesian meal. I've luckily switched my schedule for the night shift so I wouldn't get no disturbance during the holidays ;p

Remboelan resto was our pick.

Big and sinful dinner. Worth the price, so.. No regrets. 

May the 19th. Fashion & food festival in Kampoeng Tempoe Doeloe, MKG.

 Culinary heaven. Went here with my friend, G.

Imagine how we were drown between those crowds. Whoa, frustrating. 

Coupons we had to change before the food hunt.

As starter, I got this Es Kering. 

Banana ice cream, pressed with cinammon cookies. Unique. 

 My dinner that night. And yes, it was thunder on the tongue. 

Had it with telur puyuh, too.

G having her choco-peanut Es Goyang.

The local acoustic orchestra. 

Roti bakar pandan.  

Great short holiday in the hometown. Food soul... satisfied. 

Indira

Let's unwrap what April & May brought me. Kind of running out of ideas to put it all in a theme. Many things happened, and I wouldn't just let them undocumented.

April the 3rd. The gathering for the resign of our beloved teacher, 

as well as our Cornea & Refractive Surgery consultant, dr. J.H

Giving out his last (but, definetely, not the least) speech.

There's no such thing as goodbye. He would always be our inspiration.

"One stitch, one minute," is really his thing.

 Framed residents'  words and signatures. Our present for him. 

With us.

April the 6th. R's birthday at the Upstairs. 

Her beautiful princess Gabriella is her God's best present ever.

April the 28th. Easy Saturday afternoon with G. 

Was a nice chat over a brunch in Antipodean Coffee in Kemang.

This venue was crowded with Australians. Reminds us of Melbourne.

Toast with sausage, omelette,  and red bean. Simply perfect meal.

April the 14th. A belated birthday treat of me, A.W and mbak D. 

Too bad that we weren't the full team.

May the 5th. My first day having shift duty to a higher degree as "Jaga 2". 

My friend in the middle, A.G, came over to the E.R, and just funnily gave me a green tea Kit Kat.

Another quality time with my favorite lady and her adorable baby. 

Accompanying her for shoes hunting.

Like mother, like daughter. I think baby G's wishing for dream shoes, too.

See how she gave up her foot, "Go Mommy, put one on me!"

Colorful Pedro.

Macaroons I shot in Bakerzin. Love the colors, not the taste.

Appearance might be deceiving. 

Mbak I, through my eyes and her purple glasses. 

Cool quotes I found in an article in a mag while having a hair-done.

Just, not close enough.

May the 9th. The heart-breaking tragedy of Sukhoi SuperJet 100. Tragic loss for all of us.

May the 12th. Meeting up with the besties after a very long time. 

The coming back of R from her duty in Sikka, and the born of F's first son, Al-Kautsar Ibrahim Erwin. The name has the meaning of "the abundant fount". 

Feel so glad and thankful for this friendship that had last for more than 9 years.

Same laughter, comfort and sincerity I always feel.

May the 13th. 

A forever goodbye to one of my junior high school mates, and also a fellow in medicine, W.S.I. 

Sleep well there, girl. You'll be a lot missed.

May the 16th.

Hanamasa, FX. 

Another outing to celebrate A.G's belated birthday and a case presentation she just passed that day.

- - -

To this point, all I could really feel is an endless gratitude to be encircled, and loved, by wonderful and amazing people. To always be hiked up with supports during my downs and hard, ugly times. And at last, to always try, and try to be grateful for the life's lesson I've achieved until the very time.

Indira

It's where people lower their voice, and raise their thoughts

Been bored posting about eatery, I've found something new to share with you all. I bet our lovely big town is lacking of peaceful place like... a library, yes? I feel happy to find out about this really rare treasure. Freedom Library it is. A public library I just knew a couple of weeks ago, which is, surprisedly, located really near to my place and working hospital. 

A quote by Keynes written in the wall there. Not really sure with what that means. 

Too high level of language to my intelligence :p

 You can bring your own laptop or just use their provided units of computer. Free wifi for sure.

They even provide some relaxation coaches. 

Brought here all of my  assignments from my home desk. 

My Glaucoma exam was just a few days away :'(

So, if you're running out of idea (or... money? :p) to kill the time or just need a new way of drowning yourself with good readings, coming to Wisma Proklamasi 41 might be the right choice. Yet, it's so sad that this place closes at 7 in weekdays and at 5 at weekend. 

Happy reading, book bugs.

Indira

(All images taken with my tablet and edited with Instagram app)