Had just finished cleaning up my place this afternoon. It’d been quite a mess for the last one week. I was sitting there in my eating table, trying to catch my breath. On the tv, my childhood time favorite show~ Barney the purple dino, was on. As usual, they sang the itsy bitsy spider.

Then I was taken myself away, pondering...

That all are not the same anymore. Of course not regarding the show. But of how I could no longer enjoy the fun it brings. That the laughter of those kids and every happy song they sing, turned out into sad sounds.

That in such a way, those had become an amusement park you can no longer have the discount voucher to get in. Or your favorite teddy bear Mom had put on the top shelf so you wouldn't be able to reach. Something you can no longer grab.

You have, unconsciously, entered a one-way door which leads to a place where what constantly bothers you is how to keep your family's good name, to always make them proud. No matter what. Somewhere you could no longer reward yourself going to the fancy resto after you received the school's report card just because two days ago you've spent this month's budget for books... car's fuel... or buying the kitchen needs. Or... you just realized you still had an outstanding for last month's electricity bills.

A time where you could no more go to the cinema just as a celebration that you've passed last week's exams. Since what's really crucial now in not only passing it, like you used to do in high school, but also of how you can really enrich yourself with the value it gives, and know the essence that it'll someday affect your career, your job~ your duty to help people. Because it's not the title at the back of your name that you're gonna sell. Instead, it's the quality within you.

And that is the time, when you've been self-reminded, maybe for the hundredth time, that you're a grown up. With a heavy rock glued on your shoulder. 

A state where you suddenly hate an undeniable fact of life called responsibility.